Prefacing Isaiah- Notes on Isaiah 1

On December 26, 2004, a powerful earthquake struck off the coast of Indonesia, creating a deadly tsunami that killed more than 200,000 people. It was a terrible tragedy. In one day, millions of lives were forever changed.

But there was one group of people who, although their village was destroyed, did not suffer a single casualty.  The reason?  They knew a tsunami was coming.

The Moken people live in villages on islands off the coast of Thailand and Burma (Myanmar). A society of fishermen, their lives depend on the sea. For hundreds and perhaps thousands of years, their ancestors have studied the ocean, and they have passed their knowledge down from father to son. One thing in particular they were careful to teach was what to do when the ocean receded. According to their traditions, when that happened, the “Laboon”—a wave that eats people—would arrive soon after.

When the elders of the village saw the dreaded signs, they shouted to everyone to run to high ground. Not everyone listened. One elderly fisherman said, “None of the kids believed me.” In fact, his own daughter called him a liar. But the old fisherman would not relent until all had left the village and climbed to higher ground. (“Sea Gypsies See Signs in the Waves,” CBS News, 60 Minutes transcript, Mar. 20, 2005, http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/03/18/60minutes/main681558.shtml.) 

This story perfectly illustrates one reason the Lord calls prophets.  They serve as mouthpieces through which eternal-life saving information, based upon the Lords perfect knowledge and understanding, can flow to us even though- just as the younger villagers- no mortal experience could give us the insight to see and understand on our own.   Two things remain consistent in the pattern of warning through prophets the Lord has given.  1) The warnings start well in advance. 2) Because His only purpose is our happiness and eternal welfare, he, like the elders in the tsunami example, is not deterred by being mocked or called a liar- he continues to warn and call for a return to the safety of His higher ground. 

In one of only two places in the scriptures where the Lord gives a preface to a collections of prophetic words, He says He gave them because He “ know(s) the calamity which should come upon the inhabitants of the earth,”  and to be “the voice of warning.”  (D&C 1:4,17)  If you check the footnotes in that one revelation, 39 fairly short verses in length, you find 19 direct, and many more indirect, references to the other book of scripture the Lord dictated a preface for- Isaiah.  In fact the beginning verses of each preface are cross referenced to each other, and each calls for all the inhabitants of heaven and earth to “listen together” or “give ear.”  (Isaiah 1:2, D&C 1:1-2)

Perhaps, this is not such a startling find when you consider Nephi tells us that it is in our day that the prophecies of Isaiah will be fulfilled and that he went to such work to rerecord large chunks of it because he knew “they shall be of great worth unto them in the last days; for in that day shall they understand them; wherefore for their good have I written them.” (2 Nephi 25:8 )  But realizing this did help solidify a lens in my eye open to applying the words of Isaiah personally to me. (See “Approaching Isaiah”)  And while the words written in the D&C and Book of Mormon are easier for me to understand, Isaiah provides in words (my favorite thing) something I love almost as much as the written word, pictures!  After all, doesn’t the saying go “a picture is worth a thousand words!”  In Isaiah 1 the Lord outlines, in written pictures, the main themes he will develop throughout the Book of Isaiah.

Theme 1 – Man’s true relationship with God, as opposed to man’s insistence on building his own ‘god’ after his own image. (Cross reference: D&C 1:16)

Word picture:  The ox knoweth his owner and the ass his master’s crib; but Israel doth not know , my people doth not consider. (Isaiah 1:3)

I am a dairy farmer’s daughter, so I have personally observed one breed of domesticated cattle.  They are not animals renowned for their intelligence and they are extremely dependent on the care provided by their owners.   They simply do not have the capacity to survive on their own.  Likewise, we can’t create this earth which provides all we need; in fact we are completely reliant on the Lord for our next breath. But the comparison is also a pointed observation and wake up call.  The Lord (who doesn’t seemed to be too concerned with what we now term “political correctness”) is telling Israel they have shown less intelligence than their domesticated animals, because with very few exceptions, these animals readily recognize and become obedient and loyal to the hand that provides food, care and shelter to them. Yet Israel, blessed with intelligence and abilities “little lower than the angels” and treated as beloved “children,” refuses to use those gifts as intelligently as a dumb domestic animal.   Instead they have used it to “laden” or “heavily burden” themselves with “iniquity.”  (The word “iniquity” literally conveys the idea of turning away from a straight path leading to eternal life (or God’s life) into a twisted, crooked, impossible path that leads to nowhere, but is sure a lot of misery and pain to build and maintain. (Isaiah 1:4))

This twisted path includes doing much more than just not “acknowledging” the “hand that feeds;” it means “biting it,” quite badly. The last three lines in verse 4 are not translated as, um, clearly, as they could be. (Let’s face it, the scribes who worked on King James Version (KJV) had a pretty clear picture of God as a being who would inspire and condone things like the Inquisition and Crusades. Occasionally their word choice shows this bias.)  The word translated in the King James Bible (KJV) as “provoked to…..anger” is just one word.  It is better translated as to “spurn” or “abhor” or “despise.” The way it reads in the KJV it sounds like we are talking about the Lord’s reaction to Israel, but it is still describing Israel’s actions towards the Lord.  “They have spurned (or despised) the Holy One of Israel; they have turned their backs on Him.”  

That last phrase could also be translated as “they have estranged themselves from Him,” but I prefer the first one because it helps me see in myself the things that are putting distance between me and the Lord.  If you look at the footnotes to this verse you will see Isaiah 57:4, which also dwells on this theme, but has a particular visual that when combined with the idea of turning your back on a parent (so they can’t see what you’re doing), brought back some childhood memories. I am in our kitchen and seething inside as my mom lectured and pronounced a punishment for my wayward behavior; and then being dismissed and turning the corner out of her sight and being disrespectful in the same manner Isaiah described.  Fortunately, I was an older child, and circumstances meant I was very involved in the care of my younger siblings, so I also remember coming to realize the “why” of my mother’s loving discipline.  This visual helped me identify how much there is in common between my childhood experiences and my life experiences- a parallel hardening of my ears and heart- a certain childish approach to being corrected and counseled.  It has been very helpful in helping me become… more teachable, I hope.

But just because Israel has “turned their back” or “estranged themselves” from Him, doesn’t mean the Lord hasn’t continued to reach out- keep an all seeing eye on them, so to speak- and he knows exactly the current state they find themselves in.  In the next verses he outlines that, as well as addressing Israel’s unwritten defensive replies to the Lord’s pronouncements.

Theme 2 – Things as they really are- a description of the state of Israel’s people and land.  (Cross reference: D&C 1:2-3,15)

Word Picture:  The whole head is sick, the whole heart faint.  From the sole of the foot even unto the head there is no soundness in it, but wounds, and bruises, and putrifying sores; they have not been closed, neither bound up, neither mollified with ointment.  (Isaiah 1:6)

The gift of life is so precious.  And our bodily senses are such an innate part of the joys and sorrows of life.  The feel of the sun on your skin, a beautiful sight, a delightful smell, the sound of a favorite piece of music – and the impossibility of enjoying any of that when you are seriously injured and in pain.  No matter what our spiritual state, we can recognize how consuming it would be to have our entire body covered with open, infected, inflamed wounds.  To have the ideas of sin, evil, or wickedness presented as self-inflicting wounds certainly opened up my lens to entertain more deeply my Heavenly Fathers only motive – my happiness and well-being (as well as that of all his children, of course.) 

There are many scriptures which center on the Lord’s desire for us to “be healed,” but one of my favorites is will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted that I may heal you. (3 Nephi 9:13)   Which is a parallel invitation to the one given in Isaiah 1:18 - Come now let us reason together, saith the Lord; though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow, though they be like crimson, they shall be wool. (Also see Isaiah 19:22;61:6, Hosea 6:1, Jeremiah 30:13, Ezekiel 18:23, and Matthew 9:12. It might also be helpful to review the origin of the words for good, evil, sin, etc. in the Bible.  I found it very helpful and discussed it a little in the entry “Powerful Good” (2-3-2010.))

Theme 3- The Lord addresses Israel’s accusations that they did so do what he said to do- never mind the modifications and additions they made or why they made those modifications- they did so do what he said to do! (Cross reference: D&C 1:31-33)

Word Picture – Bring no more vain oblations…they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them….Thy silver is become dross, the wine mixed with water. (Isaiah 1:13-14,22) 

All right so I admit it.  It is almost impossible to really “see” this picture without a bit of word study. First, “the root of the word (for “vain”) comes from the Latin "vanus" which means empty and void of purpose….One of the Hebrew words for "vanity" expounds the meaning a bit. It literally means a "flowing away" and indicates a vessel that is "emptied of contents or usefulness." (Believe That He Is, 1-20-2010)  The actual word used here is particularly strong- it doesn’t just indicate waste, but “destruction” or “complete uselessness.” In other words, Israel’s modified version of the Law of Moses is a grotesque, destructive parody of what the Lord intended.

The word “weary” doesn’t just mean tired, but relates specifically to how one would feel if they kept getting failure instead of successful results after extensive labor.  It centers on the idea of the Lord as our Father and master teacher and us as his children, students, and disciples.  He is doing all the work He promised to do to provide us with the opportunity for growth, knowledge, and success, but we are throwing away most of what he gives, and replacing it with wasteful, destructive, evil replacements.  It is so critical, for our eternal welfare, that we realize how “vain” our replacements are, so he cannot accept an offering which includes these replacements.  Thus he tells Israel He is “weary” (what they are actually offering will lead to failure) to “bear” (accept, lift up, approve of) their offerings. Instead he likens the very best and most esteemed part of their society, the leaders, to silver that has become nothing but dross- the worthless metal that is left over after silver has been refined.

Theme 4 – Sacrificing the welfare of others so you can “own” more of the gifts the Lord has given to all his children is a sure, easily discernible sign you are on the wrong track (wicked) and not uprightly walking the Lord’s path (righteous). (Cross reference: D&C 1:10)

Word Picture – This theme will be explored often and in depth, but here we get one of the most vivid and sobering pictures. Your hands are full of blood. (Isaiah 1:15)  

It can be easy to brush this off as only applying to actual murderers, but what follows indicates that, like the description of Israel’s body in verse 6, this is the Lord’s illustrating Israel’s spiritual state. Remember the whole point of there being a nation of covenant people, Israel, was for them to have the privilege and joy of being instrumental in taking the blessings of the Gospel to all the families of the earth. (Abraham 2:11)   Instead they are not even caring for each other.  One particularly illuminating cross reference is Alma’s description of that pre-repentance moment when he stood in the truth revealing presence of the Lord:  I was racked with eternal torment...I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and that I had not kept his holy commandments.  Yea, and I had murdered many of his children, or rather led them away unto destruction. (Alma 36:13-14)

Theme 5– Even if we decide to permanently leave the Lord and walk another path, he never gives up, never slacks in his efforts, never considers us other than infinitely precious and worth it. As part of that effort He clearly outlines the consequences of staying on any other path.  (Cross reference: D&C 1:7,12-13,24-25,34-35)

Word Picture- All right, we do get the Lord’s promise of Israel being re-refined into silver- a picture I think better explored in depth, when it reoccurs later.  And he likens those who refuse to be refined to a garden with no water, a vivid, easily understood picture.  These images are combined with Israel's being redeemed and restored. Not much of a picture in those words, but let’s remember this chapter is a preface and summary and this particular theme receives more attention than any other so there are lots and lots and lots of pictures in the future. (Isaiah 1:25-27,30)  But for now, experience has taught me it is critical after “seeing” these colorful, corrective pictures, to review what the Lord truly expects of Israel- expects of me.  

At a very young age, I had a friend describe her understanding of God as an all-powerful being who gives you instructions on how to “walk right” and “talk right,” and then watches you to see if you make a mistake so he can “squish you like a bug.”  She paraphrased several scriptures from the Old Testament, including Isaiah’s comparison of people to bugs, to show how the Bible supported that view. I carried a fear that her assessment was at least somewhat correct for years- until I began to really search the scriptures for myself.  Remember, within a few lines after the Lord pronounces Israel’s hands as full of blood, He promises that even sins that are as scarlet, He can make white as snow.  The same God who reveals Israel’s position has heavily “laden” with “iniquity” offers this invitation:  Come unto me all ye that are heavy laden and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest to your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.(Matthew 11:28-29) 

 We must keep in mind that Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness.(President Uctdorf, “Happiness, Your Heratige, Ensign, November 2008)  Remember Alma’s radiant testimony immediately following his description of his iniquities. 

And oh what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain! Yea…there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains.  Yea…and there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy….Yea and from that time even until now I have labored without ceasing, that I might bring souls unto repentance; that I might bring them to taste the exceeding joy of which I did taste; that they might also be born of God, and be filled with the Holy Ghost.  Yea…the Lord doth give me exceedingly great joy in the fruit of my labor. (Alma 36:20-24)

What Alma describes is what the Lord wants every one of his children to experience- and it is why we have the often brutally honest, vividly illustrated words of Isaiah.

Approaching Isaiah

In Lewis Carroll’s classic Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Alice finds herself coming to a crossroads with two paths before her, each stretching onward but in opposite directions. She is confronted by the Cheshire Cat, of whom she asks, “Which path shall I take?”

The cat answers: “That depends where you want to go. If you do not know where you want to go, it doesn’t really matter which path you take!”^{1  (Crossroads, President Thomas S. Monson, Liahonna, April, 2004)}

This quote has recently been one thread weaving around my mind in connection to this story:

“A young man came to Socrates one time and said, ‘Mr. Socrates, I have come 1,600 miles to talk to you about wisdom and learning.’ He said, ‘You are a man of wisdom and learning, … and I would like to have you teach me how to be a man of wisdom and learning.’ Socrates said, ‘Come follow me,’ and he led the way down to the seashore. They waded out into the water up to their waists, and then Socrates turned on his friend and held his head under the water. His friend struggled and kicked and bucked and tried to get away, but Socrates held him down. … And after this man had stopped struggling, Socrates laid him out on the bank to dry, and he went back to the market place.

“After the young man had dried out a little bit, he came back to Socrates to find the reason for this rather unusual behavior. Socrates said to him, ‘When your head was under the water what was the one thing you wanted more than anything else?’ And the man said, ‘More than anything else, I wanted air.’ Socrates said, ‘All right, when you want wisdom and learning like you wanted air, you won’t have to ask anybody to give it to you.’” (Elder Sterling W. Still,“The Five Fingers of Leadership Success,” in Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year [9 Feb. 1965], 9).

What common thread made these two quotes weave together in my mind?  I think it is what author Steven Covey calls the 90/10 principle – that only 10% of how life unfolds for us is determined by things outside of our control.  The other 90% depends on what we decide to do with what we are given- our approach to surprises, thwarted plans, and difficulties.  I am not sure the percentages are exact, but I have seen study after study confirm the underlying principle.  (For example one released in 2010, which followed 60,000 Germans for 40 years and concluded that happiness came through consistently putting a high priority on relationships and altruistic goals.  Material wealth and ease of lifestyle did matter- those who put the highest priority on those goals were consistently unhappy. ( http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life/happiness-is-a-matter-of-choice-study-finds-20101004-164b3.html))

But I digress, because the center thread to these weaving thoughts is, believe it or not, Isaiah.  Yes, Isaiah.  I recently had a chance to teach only two short lessons on the large block of Isaiah quoted in the Book of Mormon.  I had a wonderful time preparing, though I admit I knew much of what I was having fun doing would not make it into the Sunday discussion.  My husband came into the office one day as I was exploring and asked what I was doing.  I replied “Having fun with Isaiah. Want to join me?”  He left and a while later my son came in asking the same thing and receiving the same answer.  The looks on their faces were similar, and reminded me of a comment I once heard regarding Isaiah- that his writings were among the things the Lord was thinking of when he said we must “endure to the end.” 

At the time I heard that comment, I was comforted by it because I did find reading the words of Isaiah to be difficult and rather pointless.  But I obviously don’t feel that way anymore.  (In fact this post came about because my recent lesson preparation ignited within me a desire to study the whole Book of Isaiah again and that coincided with a dear friend letting me know she was beginning to focus her personal study around Isaiah- and so we decided to do it together, along with anyone who would like to join in-hint hint.) 

So how did I get from feeling the words of Isaiah were a difficult burden, to finding them an endless source of spiritual treasure I really enjoy exploring?   I don’t deny there was an investment of time and some research on the life and times of Isaiah involved, but I really don’t think either of those are the most important thing.  I think it is a gradual ongoing process that started when my approach to scripture study became, as I wrote here to envision (my)self first and foremost as a student, with complete confidence in (my) instructor, at the Savior's feet. Think about what a priceless treasure it is to have the opportunity to learn from the master of all creation, a Being of perfect eternal perspective, and a Being who infinitely treasures and loves you. Then open the scriptures daily, even if for only a few moments, and listen. It works.(Perspective, 10-14-09)

This brings me to the significant title the Lord uses for Himself in the opening words of the Book of Isaiah: The Holy One of Israel. (Isaiah 1:4)  Nor is this an isolated occurrence.  That title is used 34 times in the Old Testament, 29 of which are found in the words of Isaiah.   And in the Book of Mormon, in the chapters of 1 and 2 Nephi where 19 chapters of Isaiah are quoted from- and we are offered key information for understanding those quotes-that title is used 38 times.  It was the Nephite prophets’ repeated emphasis that caused me to stop and ponder on it, and what I discovered felt like … well, “being encircled… in the arms of his love.” (2 Nephi 1:15)

I first reviewed in my mind what I knew of what the word “Israel” means.  Literally it means “One who prevails with God.”  It breaks down into two root words: “El”- Which means ‘strength’ or “mighty one” and in its proper form is a title for God; and “sar-ah”- which, yes, did become the name of Abraham’s wife, and does, in the feminine form mean “princess,” as in “one who rules ” or my favorite “one who ‘turns the head’ of others in a particular direction.” The same root is used in words meaning ‘’chastise” “correct” “instruct” ”taught” and “to bind.” 

As I thought about what the word means, I came to realize how significant it is to remember that before Israel was a nation, it was a name given by the Lord to an individual -an individual who was already a grandson of Abraham and heir to the birthright.  I used to wonder why Jacob was given that name instead of Abraham or Isaac.  To me, one reason is that he, in the midst of a very difficult time, outcast from his family, and uncertain of his future, went personally to the Lord.  Not because of who his biological father was, but because of his personal choice, he became individually what our Heavenly Father wants each of us to become- One who prevails (learns, grows, is instructed, strengthened and enabled) with and through the incomparable strength of the Lord.  If we leave Jacob/Israel and follow the term Israel through the scriptures we are taught that “in another sense Israel means the true believer in Christ, regardless of their lineage or geographical location.”(Bible Dictionary, p708)  In short, what I came to realize is that I am “Israel” on just as individual and personal basis as Jacob was Israel. 

This means that as I explore the words of Isaiah, I am hearing the Lord’s side of a very personal conversation with me, a latter-day Israel.   A conversation in which he identifies and addresses all the fears, concerns and desires that might “turn (my) head” in a direction that leads away from Him.  I can hear him clearly explaining the choices before me, and giving me insight into the eternal consequences of those choices. “Come” he invites “let us reason together that ye may understand.”  (Isaiah 1:18, D&C 50:10)  And through his reasoning with me, using the magnificent symbolic pictures given through Isaiah, I am beginning understand ever more deeply his infinite power, wisdom, love, strength, and above all, sacrifice for His children -for me.  How can I not love spending time in the words of Isaiah?

What's In The Question?

It's been awhile. Well, awhile since I attempted to take my notes and organize them into a hopefully, coherent and organized manner. But I have continued through the Old Testament. It has been a few months since I wandered with the children of Israel in the wilderness and sympathized with their struggles. I can just imagine the feeling of elation they felt in their release. I can tell you that my natural tendency upon hearing Moses relate the Lord's promises (along with Israel's part if they were to receive those promises) would have been to focus on the promise of the "land flowing with milk and honey." I could just imagine taking all that I thought unfairly denied me in Egypt, and dreaming of my own home and land, where happy children have the care of a mother who doesn't have to leave each day to fill a tally of bricks. Who are not mocked, or perhaps pressed into child labor, by wealthier, entitled Egyptians. Where I dress is nice clothing, eat delicious food, and, in short, have a good life. A good life that includes the freedom to worship the God I love. It is a good dream- the best I can build- so I would just assume it was what the Lord saw as best, too. I can imagine myself filling my thoughts with that dream, so much so that Moses' further instructions, or even the voice of the Lord as it echoed off Mount Sinai, would not penetrate. And so, yes, I can imagine wondering over the delays and often deadly difficulties, questioning the Lord's love, and getting angry and increasingly bitter over my dream not being fulfilled.

It's easy for me to imagine because, though I have never been to Egypt or walked the desert of Sinai, I was raised by parents who had faith in Christ, and had several moments growing up when I was sure of my faith. Yet, as I faced some of the inevitable difficulties of adult life, I found an increasing number of moments when I questioned the very existence of God and the identity of Jesus Christ as Savior and Redeemer of the world. As the difficulties did not resolve in the way I felt answered my righteous prayers and expectations, those moments turned into days, and the days turned into weeks and months. The world began to be a very dreary wilderness, indeed, and, as I felt the faith of my childhood had failed me, I began to search elsewhere. But, I found nothing satisfying. I finally decided that if I was going to find some peace, and live my life with honesty and integrity, I needed to have my name removed from the records of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I felt I didn't believe in Christ, let alone know or, even really believe, that any church was His church. And so, I informed my concerned friends and family and made the requisite appointment with the bishop to get the ball rolling. I walked into that office defiantly confident, and walked out somewhat stunned.

My discussion with that bishop that first night (whose name I've completely forgotten) led me to one sure introspective insight. In all my reading, searching and analyzing, in all my questioning- I had never really treated the scriptures as a source book. I read the words of Buddha, Mohamed, Darwin, old and new age philosophers with an "open mind," carefully evaluating and looking for information that "felt true".  But the scriptures?  Those I had consistently approached like I would now approach a primary reader- like I had learned all they had to teach and I just reviewed them because that was part of practicing my faith. That bishop seemed to have taken a different approach.  True, he looked terrified and shaken when I announced my reason for being there, and then he took a deep breath and asked if we could open with prayer.  After the prayer, the terror was gone from his eyes, and he seemed to emanate a quiet strength and calm assurance. My background professionally had seen me spending hours writing legal arguments- trying to make a case which could not be successfully argued against. I guess you could say I used a similar approach in searching out the truth, but that approach just seemed to have no place in our discussion that night. He listened intently, and I didn't feel he was trying to prove anything, but simply share with me his best understanding. He would pause after I had my say, be quiet for a moment and then without reference to notes or the topical guide, turn to a scripture. I kept wondering at the fact that most of the scriptures sounded unfamiliar to me- how could that be when his set of scriptures looked just like mine! Could it be that I really did not know what I was rejecting? He ended that visit with a scripture I was very familiar with:

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God who giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not.(James 1:5)

Not lacking wisdom, in my own estimation, meant that when circumstances, including, the choices of others, prevented the unfolding of the life I prayed, worked, and hoped for, it had to be because God wasn't there or didn't care. It effectively shut my ears and eyes to the possibility that God may have had a higher purpose and wisdom in not facilitating my life unfolding as I directed. It also meant that when I looked at the commandments of God, I did from a perspective of believing I had wisdom sufficiently equal with His to evaluate why he might have given a command. Then I could decide if, in my equally valid wisdom, I should obey it. But what if His perspective and wisdom were infinitely greater than mine? What if, as the Lord declares:  

My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways…for as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

I began to consider that if that were indeed the case, then it would follow that my current view of my own wisdom was essentially a self made barrier blocking out any communication from the Lord that sought to teach me answers that went beyond or above my current thoughts or habits.  Intriguing thought, but how to know if such were indeed the case- according to that same bishop there was only one way- ask.  And so I did, after I returned home from another visit two weeks later, thinking, "This is it, the last try!"

I asked the same questions I had asked before. I used many of the same words. The only thing I could pinpoint as varying at all from my previous attempts was a marked shift in my purpose. If truth was to be had, I wanted it for itself. I had already decided it was worth leaving the faith of my childhood behind. But now I was equally willing to, as I so eloquently put it then, eat a large heaping of crow, if I was wrong. Things that seemed so important even a few weeks before- winning the argument, proving I was right, not appearing a fool to others and having their respect for my intelligence- didn't disappear. They were just eclipsed by my primary motivation to be open to truth, if it was to be had, and then treasuring that truth and building my life around it. No, the outward wrapping of the prayer I uttered that night was not noticeably different from previous prayers, but what was in those questions- my intent, my most earnest desire, my purpose- was different and that made all the difference in what I received.

It has been close to 17 years since that night, and I can find no better words to describe my experience, than the ones I used that very evening. It was as if a shutter that had been darkening my world was ripped off and light poured in. Yes, I received a witness that God is real, Jesus Christ is real. He is the Savior and Redeemer of the world. His love for us is beyond comprehension. With equal force came a witness that Joseph Smith was and is a prophet of God and the Book of Mormon is God's word and gift. I got those answers, but perhaps the most pivotal thing I was taught was that I had been repeatedly given those same answers! I had brought forcefully to mind several times along the course of my life when -no I had not imagined it- I had felt a portion of the same light that now poured into my mind. The problem hadn't been with whether the answers were given. Rather, it was with the narrow, wise in my own eyes, restrictions I had put on what and how I would receive. And I knew that I could -if I didn't immediately begin to build my life around the real and vivid answer I had received and I fell back into the same habits-  reach a point where what was undeniably real seemed just as doubtful as my previous answers. The Lord in his infinite love and wisdom was gives all His children the additional gift of choosing what to do with all He gives.

Habits can be hard to change, and I have repeatedly marveled at the personal love and attention shown to me that night in impressing on my soul the difference I make to the answers I will receive. My natural tendencies are such that as I have wandered with the children of Israel, I can easily understand how they could have seen the Lord's power in Egypt, and then when the Egyptian army approached asked accusingly:

Wherefore hast thou dealt thus with us, to carry us for out of Egypt? For it had been better for us to serve the Egyptians, than we should die in the wilderness.(Exodus 14:11-12) (What's in the question: We followed the Lord (or was it just Moses?) here and now we face an even greater threat. We don't see how it can work out except in our deaths! We should have never followed him.)

See how the narrow focus on how they thought God should do His job, if he was indeed with them, closed them off from receiving and enjoying the peaceful witness like that Elisha, in an equally dire position, enjoyed some many years later:

Fear not, for they that be with us are more than they that be with them. (2 Kings 6:16)

Yes, they still saw his power manifest, but for all those with narrow focus, the benefits seemed to evaporate like mist.  After passing triumphantly through the Red Sea, they discovered a lack of food and water. It was not comfortable. It was possibly life threatening. It was, again, not what they expected!

Is the Lord among us or not? (Exodus 17:7) (What's in the question: If the Lord was with us we should be well fed, comfortable, and well on our way to the promised lands without these life threatening problems. We have unexpected problems, therefore we doubt the Lord is with us.)

Again they kept their focus narrowed on how they thought God should do His job, and were not open to learning about, understanding and living with joyous appreciation of the far better, eternally better, gifts they were offered. He did provide, but for many those gifts did not lead to the promised lands. Many did die miserably wandering in a wilderness. Sobering things to consider. It creates, for me, a wonderful visual to evaluate what is going into the questions I put to the Lord. When I feel that life has become somewhat barren and dreary, I often find what is in my questions are similar to those of the Israelites - more focused on instructing the Lord than learning from him. It is a challenging habit to break, this leveling of accusations in the form of question, but it is possible and it gets easier.  Just as I learned from that bishop so long ago, the first step is to search His words. In them the Lord himself repeatedly tells us how to do it.  On the day the Isrealites left Egypt they were instructed: 

Remember this day...for by the strength of hand the Lord brought you out from this place.  (Exodus 13:13 also see Deuteronomy 32:7)

Remember.  Remember, in those moments when hurt, surprise, grief, and struggle feel heavy I that I don't know everything yet.  Remember the light and answer that came when I left my heart and mind open and willing to learn. Remember how it does come again as I turn away from hurling accusations in the form of questions and open my ears to listen.  Remember the bone deep certainty I now feel that what Heavenly Father has in mind for me is far greater than what I imagine for myself. If the mortal veil could be peeled back for just a moment and I could see in entirety what the Lord sees and knows about my life, I would with breathless gratitude, joy, and awe say, "oh yes- its so much more than I imagined- lets do it your way."

When that is what is in and behind my questions - well it makes all the difference.

Infinite

Got a new word for you- "Egyptomania." It is the term given to the near obsession with ancient Egypt that the western world has exhibited, at one time or another over the last millennia.  Perhaps then, it is no surprise that when I began to read all the books on history and folklore available to an elementary student, one time and place was the clear winner in volume of material and especially really, really cool pictures! Ancient Egypt! I vividly remember using empty Clorox bottles, gold spray paint, and cheap plastic gems to make an Egyptian type headdress. My latter elementary years were definitely a period of intense Egyptomania.

I'm sure my intense fascination with Egypt is the reason my first memories of watching "The Ten Commandments" and reading about the plagues, Passover and exodus, are of wondering about the Egyptians. Certainly not all Egyptians were cruel. In fact the Egyptians strongly believed in an afterlife, the quality of which depended on living a good, moral, service oriented life in this world. One of the Egyptian goddesses (whose headdress I found most unimpressive) is Maat. Maat's headdress was an ostrich feather. One of her chief jobs was to interview and decide the fate of the newly deceased. She had a scale and on one side of the scale she put her feather. The newly deceased had their heart placed on the other side. If they had lived a life filled with good actions toward others- not lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, etc.- then their heart would be "lighter than (Maat's) feather" and they would pass on to the hall of Horus and a happy afterlife. If, however, their heart was weighed down by deceit and the hurt they had caused others, then their heart would be cut up and fed to the destroyer. The point was that when it came time to have your heart weighed, you could not lie or cheat, so it was important to live with virtue in this life.

Just as we see in "Christian" societies, not everyone who belongs to a certain religion strives to live up to its ideals. The courts of the pharaohs, like most royal courts, were filled with intrigues, lies and betrayals. But just as surely there were Egyptians, everyday Egyptians, who took living virtuous lives seriously. I can see one of them. A young women- a devout follower of her namesake, Maat. She is the daughter of a prosperous landowner, and cattle merchant. She grows up to marry the son of a local business man who has become rich providing bricks and building material for huge public building projects. She has two small children, a 5 year old daughter and a delightful 3 year old boy. She loves her family, even her mother-in-law- and often gives to the poor. While hostessing dinner parties for her husband she has heard talk of how justified the pharaohs work tax on the Israelites is, because of all that Egypt has done for them. She hears that these policies are not only helping the economy, but are a wise pharaoh's way of ensuring national security. She is not always comfortable with the policies of pharaoh regarding the Israelites, and she knows she is not alone in this, but who is she to know best. And so, she goes on, just trying to live her life the best, most virtuous that she can.

One day she hears her father-in-law talking about a request made for the Israelites to go into the desert to worship their god. He is suspicious of their request- are they planning to go into the desert, join with one of Egypt's Canaanite enemies and return to conquer them? Why can't they worship here? They have lived here for generations. More than that- can you imagine how much money we would lose if they stop their allotted work tax for even a few days? We can't afford it! And their representative, Moses, has promised that Egypt will suffer if they don't let them go. Anyway you look at it; these people have not become Egyptians and are more and more a threat. It is a good thing Pharaoh is not about to let them walk all over us!

Over the course of the next few weeks life turns upside down. Her orderly house is infested with frogs, lice, and flies. There is a shortage of fresh water and she worries about her children getting sick. She is so busy trying to hold life together that she has no time to volunteer. Then she hears that her father had been ruined- his cattle all died from some mysterious malady. He is not alone; even Pharaoh's cattle are dead. But the Israelites' herds are fine. She has been praying with extra fervor to Maat, to Horus and Isis, too, but things are getting worse and worse. She hears talk of the Hebrew meaning of the title "Israelite". It means "one who prevails through God." Could the Israelite god be stronger than the Egyptian deities? No! There is no god is stronger than Pharaoh, who has the support of all the Egyptian deities. Not only has her physical world fallen apart, but for the first time she wonders about her spiritual beliefs.

Then one night, there is knocking. She hears yelling, and so leaves the side of her sleeping son to find out what is going on. She sees her father-in-law yelling at an Israelite man. She recognizes him as a man who has had to, on occasion, visit one of the food banks she has worked at as a volunteer. She hears the man say he knows they are good people and he is just trying to help and save them from grief. Her father-in-law angrily tells him to take his heathen practices and get out! After he closes the door, she asks her father-in-law what has happened. He tells her there is nothing to worry about- the gods of Egypt are greater that the god of the Hebrews. The next morning she wakes up to a mother's and wife's worst nightmare- the death of her husband and her son. In her grief, she is hardly aware of the political and historical events we call The Exodus.

Although this young women is a fictional character, she became very real for me in that she represents countless lives lived with honorable intent that have been torn apart by circumstances beyond their control. But, in her case, God freely takes the credit for the circumstances that shattered her life. But then again He freely acknowledges that he is all powerful, so in a sense nothing happens, but what he, at the very least, allows it. How does one make sense of a God who "so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son" and who is "no respecter of persons," and a God who allows such grief and injustice?(John 3:16, Acts 10:34) With questions like this a seemingly instinctive part of my thought processes, I certainly have struggled with feelings of outrage and being overwhelmed, on behalf of others, it's true, but especially when I felt circumstances were less than just in my own life.

I did find some peace in admitting that part of the issue was how much of a gap there is between my understanding and knowledge and the Lords. One experience, which relied on so many others, awaked in me a bone deep certainty that real problem is not God, a lack in his reality, his justice, his love, or any other attribute, but instead a lack in how much I really know.  It happened several years after I realized that I "lacked wisdom," and, through sincere study of the scriptures and pray, took the Lord up on his offer to teach me "line upon line." I was sitting in my office attempting my nightly scripture study. I was thinking about that family of robins. ("Of Babies and Birds" or "Personal Parables") I had recently discovered that the baby did survive- and that the parents felt anything but gratitude towards me. Their obvious assumptions of my thoughts and desires towards them were so far from what I really felt. Their reaction weighed heavy on my mind as I struggled with feelings precariously close to rage and despair. In my thoughts some anger was directed towards my husband, for the long hours he was putting in at his job, when spring sports, school and church activities involving three children and only one parent meant- well, I didn't get it all done and still didn't have time to breath. But I had to honestly recognize that most of what felt overwhelming could not be blamed on any human individual.

A few years prior a family tragedy had occurred, the memory of which still woke me in the night. A few months prior my father had passed away and I discovered that grief, no matter how well prepared you think you are, is a difficult experience. My grief for myself was augmented by a few situations of patent injustice I had become involved with through church service and raw physical pain from chronic health concerns. I was completely overwhelmed; feelings of hurt, anger, and helplessness seemed to course in waves through me. "Please, please, please," Kept running through my mind. I was flipping through the scriptures, but nothing seemed to register, until I hit Isaiah 63: 5.

And I looked, and there was none to help; and I wondered that there was none to uphold.

I looked at it carefully. Yes, it is a messianic scripture, in which the Savior speaks in first person of his mission and mortal experience. It suddenly occurred to me that if striving to be loving and caring meant you could be let down and hurt- no one hurt more deeply than the Savior. What I gained insight into in that moment was recently expounded perfectly by one of the Savior anointed apostles:

Now I speak very carefully, even reverently, of what may have been the most difficult moment in all of this solitary journey to Atonement. I speak of those final moments for which Jesus must have been prepared intellectually and physically but which He may not have fully anticipated emotionally and spiritually—that concluding descent into the paralyzing despair of divine withdrawal when He cries in ultimate loneliness, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)


The loss of mortal support He had anticipated, but apparently He had not comprehended this. …With all the conviction of my soul I testify that He did please His Father perfectly and that a perfect Father did not forsake His Son in that hour. Indeed, it is my personal belief that in all of Christ’s mortal ministry the Father may never have been closer to His Son than in these agonizing final moments of suffering. Nevertheless, that the supreme sacrifice of His Son might be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence. It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.


But Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that He never flees nor fails us. When the uttermost farthing had then been paid, when Christ’s determination to be faithful was as obvious as it was utterly invincible, finally and mercifully, it was “finished.”(John 19:30) Against all odds and with none to help or uphold Him, Jesus of Nazareth, the living Son of the living God, restored physical life where death had held sway and brought joyful, spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness, and despair. With faith in the God He knew was there, He could say in triumph, “Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.”(Luke 23:46)


Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles)

I thought of the combination of words found only in my "how to book," The Book of Mormon:  "the atonement which is infinite." (2 Nephi 25:15, Alma 34:12). I had heard the term "infinite atonement" used frequently at church, but this time the word "infinite" stood out. It means without end or limitation. Without end or limitations! In my minds eye I envisioned a bottomless lake of refreshing, delicious water. There is no end to it. It is constantly renewed, and always clean and fresh. The whole world and more could join me there and never, ever exhaust this eternal resource. I can bath in its refreshment, be infused with the very love, power and strength my Savior called upon when "he pressed on," and He will never, never fail me. Even if all those I love cannot, because of their own circumstances, offer the support and help I need, I never have to be utterly alone. There is enough faith, love, hope, strenght, and joy to fill an infinite eternity there- and I have only to go there to partake.

No wonder Paul said, "I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strenghteneth me!" The real issue (the one that it is a privilege beyond compare to be able to recognize and work on in mortality) is that I do not yet begin to understand the depth and breath of what has been done and prepared for mankind. I do not yet fathom the depth of His love- or the sorrow he feels at the suffering of his children. Remember the tears he shed with Mary and Martha, only moments before Lazarus was released from the tomb. (John 11:30-37) I am convinced he did not shed them for Lazurus, but for the pain of those who grieved. I am convinced he weeps with us and can only bear it because he knows.

Knows the end from the beginning and all that has been prepared for us. Knows the value of the opportunity for growth and eternal refinement that comes as the opposition of grief and pain are filtered through the infinite atonement. He knows that “No pang that is suffered by man or woman upon the earth will be without its compensating effect … .( “Chapter 2: Tragedy or Destiny?,” Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball, (2006),11–21)    He knows that "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy." (Psalms 126:5) And He knows that The greatest tragedy that can happen to a person is not the loss of his possessions, or his intellect, or his mortal life, but rather to lose eternal life, which is the free gift of God." (Carlos H. Amado, “Overcoming Adversity,” Ensign, Nov 1989, 29)


From all this I have come to see Maat, and all she experienced differently. No less painful and tragic, but in a way I am still at a loss of words to describe, I know that the plagues, the Passover and all that followed were equally about the Lord working through those who chose to"prevail with God" (the Israelites) to show his reality and the falseness of all other Gods. To our Heavenly Father, Maat was every bit as important as the children of Israel.  He wanted to give her, and all His children the type of reassurance I received that night.  As much as I understood in that moment how small and finite my understanding is, as much as the pain and problems didn't just disappear, I have never been more sure of my Heavenly's Father's reality or love. It is a gift I do not want to live without. How I hope and pray for every child of God to have a moment like that. The thing is, I know it is His hope and prayer for all his children, too. (John 17, 3 Nephi  He longs to have us "encirlceld about in the arms of his love" and to "come unto (him)" and be "healed."(2 Nephi 1:15,Jeremiah 3:22, Alma 33:21-22) He wanted it for the Israelites, but he also wanted it for the Egyptians. I know He wants it for me. And I know He wants it for you.  That is what the preservation of the records we study is all about.  Bringing us the opportunity to first consider, then explore, then accept his infinite gift.

 

 

On His Wings

Been delving into trivia again. It is amazing how it happens. One question leads to another and before you know it, you know which two animals have been used -far, far more than any others- as national and family symbols throughout the ages and throughout the world. Any guesses? Here they are, in no particular order- the lion and the eagle. It was the eagle that led me to this bit of trivia. And so I also noted that one particular species of eagle, namely the majestic golden eagle, is the most widely heralded of all the chosen eagle species. I found out that its habitat stretches across the whole of the northern hemisphere and so it has a prominent position in the history, religion, and folklore of countries from Mongolia to Mexico to Indonesia to Canada to Egypt.

Now you might wonder what exploring the webs store of knowledge on the golden eagle has to do with my current study of the Old Testament. If you've read my blog on Noah, you might recall I quoted a scripture from the Book of Isaiah, which included this: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles…. (Isaiah 40:31) (See "Through the Storm)

That quote was indeed the inspiration for this little foray into wildlife -that, and the life of Joseph of Egypt. It was the word "wait" that particularly caught my notice this time. It comes from the same root as the Hebrew words for "hope" and "obedience." It literally means "to bind together" and indicates the patience needed to bind or weave something together. If ever there was an example of someone "waiting" on the Lord, it was Joseph. And if ever there was an example of someone who mounted up as with "wings as eagles," it was also Joseph. In a way, Joseph's story gives us an eagle's eye perspective of life, and the way the Lord works with and teaches his children.

Joseph is the one of the few Old Testament characters whose impression, in my eyes, improved the first time I read the Old Testament for myself. I remember in my primary class, knowing that what is brothers did when they sold him into slavery was a bad, bad thing, but I couldn't help but sympathize with them being jealous of Joseph when Jacob favored him and Joseph bragged about his dreams (he claimed came from God) of becoming a leader over them. Even if he did have those dreams, did he have to share it! I come from a family of eight children- I understand sibling rivalry.

However, after reading Genesis for myself, I quickly realized that was only half the story. Jacob didn't arbitrarily choose Joseph as his favorite. Jacob's favoring Joseph had a great deal to do with trust, and knowing that in Joseph he had a son who would work with him in faithfully following the Lord. Genesis 34, 37 & 38 seem to be pointed efforts on the part of the author of Genesis to give us some idea of why Joseph's desire to seek after and follow the Lord, as well as how he faithfully obey his father, made him Jacob's favored son. I do not deny Jacob's imperfect humanity, but I think his favor for Joseph is a type of what Nephi, in the Book of Mormon, tried to teach his brothers about who is favored of the Lord:  Behold, the Lord esteemeth all flesh in one; he that is righteous is favored of God. (1 Nephi 17:35)

All the other sons, who by birth may have had a prior claim to this type of favor and claim of leadership, had quit simply blown it - in big, messy, decidedly wicked, complicated ways. Their actions towards Joseph only emphasize how unrepentant they were at that point. Perhaps Jacob's words "Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land," says it best. (Genesis 34:30)

So here is Joseph, young and maybe even feeling a little fallen-man pride about the righteous choices he has made. Not perfect, but good and striving to do his best. One day he is the favored son of a rather powerful nomadic leader, and the next he is beaten by those he thought he would lead, thrown into a pit, and later sold as a slave to a passing caravan. It is easy for us, because reading the whole account takes only a few minutes, to see how he became so much more, had so much more, was able to serve his family and father so much more, because of that fateful day. But when he was roped, driven like a beast to market, and sold, and then spent years as a slave and prisoner, he could not see that.

Yet, in the first verses describing his life as a slave and prisoner, it tells us "the Lord was with Joseph."(Genesis 39:2, 21) That is a very significant phrase because the Lord has taken great pains (as I've noted before) to make clear to us the importance of agency and that he will not force himself on us. For instance:

Behold I stand at the door, and knock, if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to him and will sup with him, and he with me. (Revelation 3:20)

Or:     Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. (James 4:8)
Or:

Learn to pray. Pray often. Pray in your mind, in your heart. Pray on your knees. Prayer is your personal key to heaven. The lock is on your side of the veil. And I have learned to conclude all my prayers with “Thy will be done.” (Matthew 6:10; see also Luke 11:2; 3 Nephi 13:10). (Boyd K. Packer, “Prayer and Promptings,” Ensign, Nov 2009, 43–46)

So that phrase "and the Lord was with Joseph" together with Joseph's own words declaring his devotion and obedience to God, show that the one thing Joseph did do was to continue turning to the Lord for comfort, strength and help as his life took unexpected, unwelcome turns. This is particularly thought provoking when you consider that both his being sold into slavery, and then his being thrown into prison, could be construed as directly resulting from his obedience to the Lord's commands.(Genesis 37:13-14, Genesis 39:9) Perhaps his life lens is summed up best in what he said to his brothers when his brothers when they came to him, after their father's death, worried that Joseph will use his considerable power to get justified revenge, and he tells them,

Am I in the place of God? …Ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. (Genesis 50:19-20)

In other words:  God knows best. He has always known best, and what happened was never out of his control. He allowed you to do your evil deed. He prepared a way for it to be a good thing for me, and many others. I'm good and I love having you and your families here. You just worry about making sure you are right with God.

His approach to life and his Heavenly Father, and the result of that approach, seems to be a perfect example of the perspective the Lord tried to illustrate for the wandering, often angry and bitter, children of Israel. I found this previously underappreciated gem by following the footnotes from, (can you guess) Isaiah 40:31. It too, uses the example of eagles to illustrate the way the Lord lifts and teaches his children. But this time it compares His efforts to teach the children of Israel with the efforts of an eagle to teach her young to fly.

As an eagle stirreth up her nest, fluttereth over her young, spreadeth abroad her wings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings: So the Lord alone did lead him, and there was no strange god with him. (Deuteronomy 32:11)

This is what led me to the golden eagle. I wanted to know what type of bird would most likely have been the "eagle" spoken of here. The golden eagle was well known to the children of Israel. The plains of Goshen and the Sinai wilderness are both natural habitats. Culturally, it was revered as a messenger of the Horus and Isis, the chief Egyptian deities. So the Lord is giving a powerful reminder that He, and He alone is the only true God. And he is also answering one of Israel's most repeated and pressing concerns:

Why, if God is really with us, do we go from being majestically led out of Egypt one day to being hungry and thirsty in the wilderness the next? Why if he has such power doesn't he use it, but instead leaves us to struggle with such painful problems? "Is the Lord among us or not?" (Exodus 16:7)

I found the Lord's illustrative example to be incredibly powerful.  You see, the golden eagle is a devoted parent. It mates for life. The mated pair claims a territory of up to 60 miles in diameter, and, carefully builds a nest. The nest is made of woven branches, sometimes small rocks or other hard materials, and then, in preparation for the young, covered in comfortable, soft material- leaves, moss, even their own feathers. For the first six to eight weeks the eaglets grow rapidly in their comfy home, being fed the choicest bits of meat. And then they fledge- or grow the wings they will need to fly, and things begin to change.

Apparently flying is not an instinctive behavior for the eagles. There are recorded cases of golden eagle eggs being successfully hatched by brooding hens. Without intervention, the eaglet will grow up to act like a chicken, pecking at the ground, living on insects, and never thinking to use his powerful wings to soar. However, the eagle parent knows that eagles are meant to fly- and that means gaining muscle and leaving the comfort of the nest. Most eaglets do not take the initiative, but need firm encouragement to realize their potential to soar.

Just as the verse above describes, this encouragement can include the mother flapping her wings close to the fledglings. This shows them how it is done, and the fledgling has only to make a weak attempt to flap his own wings to get his first taste of flight, courtesy of the draft created by the mother's powerful wings. Mother eagles have also been observed literally "stirring up the nest", taking away the soft moss, leaves or feathers that made it such a comfy place to stay. Wise eagle parents also stop bringing the fledglings choice bits of meat, instead inviting the fledgling to leave the nest and dine with them on a nearby ledge or branch. This is an offer most fledglings refuse at first. They scream their outrage- but to no avail, and eventually they learn they are ready to leave the nest. Now it is time to learn to fly. And it is true- golden eagles have been observed "spread(ing) abroad her wings" to help support their young in learning to fly. However, as is evident in the quote below, the fledglings were no more keen about being dropped off the ledge and spreading their wings, than they were about leaving the nest.

Last summer while my father and I were extracting honey at the apiary about a mile southeast of Thacher School, Ojai, California, we noticed a golden eagle teaching its young one to fly. It was about ten o'clock. The mother started from the nest in the crags, and roughly handling the young one, she allowed him to drop, I should say, about ninety feet, then she would swoop down under him, wings spread, and he would alight on her back. She would soar to the top of the range with him and repeat the process. One time she waited perhaps fifteen minutes between flights. I should say the farthest she let him fall was 150 feet.


My father and I watched this, spellbound, for over an hour. I do not know whether the young one gained confidence by this method or not. A few days later father and I rode to the cliff and out on Overhanging Rock. The eagle's nest was empty. (Dr. Loye Miller (1918) published the following account, as given to him by one of his students: Miss F.E. Shuman) http://www.birdsbybent.com/ch61-70/goleagle.html)

To watch an eagle's flight is truly a thrill to the soul! Just imagine what a truly great tragedy it would be if the mother eagle, knowing the capabilities inherent in her offspring, gave way to their screeches and let them comfortably waste their lives as fat, dependent, flightless parasites. Perhaps, with that in mind, we can begin to see the purpose in the Lord's allowing us to experience strengthening and growing opportunities, even when those opportunities cause us to cry out in pain and fear. The purpose is not our suffering- it is to give us the chance to know the meaning of soaring. But, it requires something of us. It requires that in that moment when we feel proverbially dropped off a cliff, as Joseph must have, we turn to Him in trust that His outstretched wings will be there, to give us the lift we are well aware we are too weak to give ourselves. He will always be there for us, just as He was with Joseph -if we will allow it.

Wrestling

I've written before about being directionally challenged and my propensity to get lost. It has been one of my greatest challenges because job changes have meant a move every few years for our family. A new place meant trying to find my way to church, schools for the kids, doctors and dentists, libraries, visiting teaching routes, and so on and so on. Now, mind you, having learned early on - long before the kids came along - that I had this penchant, I learned to obtain directions when going to a new destination. The preparation paid off, and getting a GPS device for Christmas one year, well it made this last move a whole lot easier. But in hindsight, I am grateful for the experience of occasionally getting lost because it has become a "personal parable" for me. (See "Of Babies and Birds" or "Personal Parables")

You see, there was always a moment when I would begin to suspect I was no longer headed in the right direction. A niggling wrestling within myself that I'd somehow gotten off course and that if I truly desired to get my appointed destination, I'd have to stop, make changes, and get back on course. I have a particular memory of wrestling with that feeling. It was the second time I had gone to this particular location, so I knew the name of the street I had missed and knew the name of some of the streets that intersected with that street. I was in the process of turning around when I saw a cross street by the same name as a cross street that intersected with the road I was to turn on to. I reasoned that this was the same street and would take me back on course. I reasoned it would be quicker and easier, and managed to convince myself. The truth was that I was near the edge of two townships- both which had streets of that particular name- but this one, rather than connecting into the cross street I desired, actually turned and headed in an entirely new direction. It took a while for me to give in to the growing wrestling that my assumption had been wrong, and then I had to back track even further to get back on course. I found out later, from the very person who had given me the directions, that there was only one road that led from where I got lost back to the crossroad I desired- and I turned off it when I tried to take the "shortcut."

This became a "personal parable" for me as I explored how the Lord describes our lives as a journey in which we have the choice to follow his directions in order to be able to get on and stay on His path, if we desire the eternally "good end" He promises. The word for "righteousness" used in the Old Testament literally means "to walk the path uprightly," whereas the word most frequently translated as "wickedness" literally means "to step off the path." "Repent" means "to turn" and is always coupled with the idea of returning to the path. Even the word "punish" is related. It means "to turn the head," meaning that the Lord allows circumstances sufficient to encourage a person to reconsider the path they are on- to see that what they have put their faith in will fail; end in a dead end- and consider getting on the only eternally profitable path.

All these words, and many others, convey that finding and staying on the correct path takes some diligent work on our part. In life, as in my own "personal parable," desiring to get to a certain location is not enough. Reasoning out my own directions, while disregarding those given by someone who actually knew the area led to a substantial waste of time, gas, and irritated, frustrated energy. How much more is wasted when we disregard the Lord's instruction!

I had this "personal parable" fresh in my mind when I came to the Book of Enos in the Book of Mormon. It caused me to more deeply consider what Enos meant when he said he "would tell you of the wrestle which I had before God." The first thing he notes, is that he recognizes his need to repent, to heed the words his father spoke of Jesus Christ, and turn to the Lord. Interestingly, it doesn't stop there. Once Enos knows he is no longer lost, he "began to be filled with a desire for his brethren." Enos life then became about loving and serving not only those he formely thought of as his brethren, but all of God's children, including those who considered themselves his enemies.

There is a footnote to the word "wrestle" in Enos 1 which refers to the Old Testament section on Jacob. Cross referencing Enos's and Jacob's experiences taught me so much. Both reached a point they desired to know and serve God. Both made mistakes in their lives, but committed to follow the Lords plan. Both are promised their works will bless not only their families, but untold future generations. And both record that it was not easy, but with the Lord's help they were able. The connection between the two is particularly intriguing when I saw the word "Israel" broken down into its two roots which individually mean "he wrestles or prevails" and "strength and power." The second root, "El," is often translated as "God." And so Israel translates to "God overcomes, " "God prevails," or "He who overcomes or prevails through the strength and power of God." The last translation seems to carry with it the heart of the promise of the Gospel of Jesus Christ:

For whatsover is born of God overcometh the world; and the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God. (1 John 5:4-5)

To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne; even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne. He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches. (Revelations 3:21-22)

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. (John 16:23)

So, what does it mean to "overcome." I think Jacob received profound insight to that the night he dreamed of the ladder into heaven. (Genesis 28:12) A ladder would indicate steps that need to me taken incrementally, one by one, constantly upward, to reach your goal. As the prophet Isaiah explains:

Whom shall he teach knowledge? And whom shall he make to understand doctrine? Them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breast. For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little." (Isaiah 28:9-10)

I love that scripture because in so few words it not only captures the idea of a step by step learning process, but begins with the idea that we need to be "weaned from milk." In other words we all, no matter where or when we are born, are spiritual infants in relationship to God. Like infants, we have no way to provide the nourishment and growth we need for ourselves. We flounder and spiritually die if we turn away from all the Lord has prepared for us. And so he pleads:(D&C 78:17-19)

Verily, verily, I say unto you ye are little children, and have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you; and ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is your and the blessing thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.

As a parent, I have considered what advice I would give my almost-legal-adult, going-off-to-college-in-the-fall daughter, about following directions given by someone who really knows the area. I know I would never advise her to make the choice I did in my "personal parable", and in hindsight I can admit it was not wise to ignore the already tried and proven directions. But at the time, it took running into a literal dead end for me to admit my error and start back to the right road. That dead end also has great import to me. When it comes to the more essential, spiritual wrestlings in my life I have come to recognize that the times of deepest inner turmoil have all come at times with 3 elements in common:

1) I had heard the Lord's words and felt a light, a warm pull of recognition- "this is truth; this is good"- deep within my soul.

2) Sometime after hearing those words, I faced circumstances that tested the depth of my conviction. To continue to live my life according to the pull I'd felt, the light it brought, would mean giving up something that seemed important and immediately gratifying now.

3) I wrestle over whether living up to the light was worth the apparent sacrifice.

This is where daily habits of "feasting upon the word of God" and prayer make a huge difference. (2 Nephi 32:3, Joshua 1:8) The word of God is based on the truths of eternity, and as I've written of before, it has a perspective expanding effect. It has been in moments when I am deeply immersed that I have been able to honestly evaluate whatever it is I'm wrestling with, and I have to acknowledge that the choice that seems more immediately appealing now, and makes it tempting for me to consider disregarding the Lord's direction or call, only caters to a very limited, finite, immediate gratification goal. If I raise my eyes and seek for where pursuing immediately gratifying choice will lead, I discover, over and over again it dead ends at some point.

Regrettably, for me, this realization began with actually reaching a dead end, and doing a painful journey turning back and getting on the right path. I am grateful for the loving guidance he offered, even after I so callously disregarded his careful efforts on my behalf. I am grateful for the infinite atonement that made it possible for me to "turn back" and return to the path of the Lord. But, I rejoice even more in all he offers to expand our vision, help us set eternal goals, and make each niggling wrestling deep within our souls a step forward on the right path. That is the divine purpose in this common, oft repeated, mortal experience. As we move "line upon line," step forward upon step forward, the "wrestling" is still part of our growth, but it is not about us being off track, but about the next thing we need to learn to continue journey forward toward becoming what we have the potential to become.

This brings me to another of the very few scripture references which us the term "wrestle" to describe our opportunities for growth. I found it profitable to consider it, because the person who is described as "wrestling" was, at this point in his life, a faithful follower of the Lord who had given up a high political office, and the worldly power and prestige that went with it, so that he could devote his time to sharing the Lord's directions. Obviously his wrestling was not over whether to "step off the path." Rather, he struggled when he prayed for a particular group of people, who were currently taking great pride in their self appointed, dead end path. Alma, having in his youth, openly rebelled against God, and tasted the very "pains of hell," knew what was on the line and experienced great "anguish of soul" over the decisions his brethren. He prayed for a miracle; he prayed that the Lord, "would pour out his Spirit upon the people…that he might baptize them to repentance." (Alma 23:10) The answer, which was essentially a "no", taught me a great deal about how much value the Lord places on agency. Moreover, as Alma listened and then acted upon what he learned as he continued to serve the Lord, what happened to Alma was really incredible.

In Alma 23, Alma is overwhelmed and in anguish over the pain he feels over his brethren. Several chapters later, Alma is again leading a mission to a city that wants nothing to do with the Lord. This time his prayer is different. He acknowledges that the law of agency, and that it means he will not be treated kindly- no matter how sincerely he loves and wants to help his brethren. He does, as always pray for success, to be led to those who are searching for the words of light and truth he brings. But the central focus of this prayer is to ask the Lord to strengthen him that he will be able to overcome or "bear" "afflictions" that might come because of other's choices. Why? Because he knows "their souls are precious." (Alma 31:30-35) By staying true to the path through this process of learning, of wrestling, of overcoming, Alma, like Enos, had become what we are all to become: filled with charity. He followed the directions of the Lord to:

Let thy bowel also be full of charity toward all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish they thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God. (Doctrine & Covenants 121:45)

That last bit, "then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God" is illustrated in several of the words from the lives and teachings of these three witnesses and examples, but my favorite cross reference to this scripture are Enos' parting words:

And I rejoice in the day when my mortal shall put on immortality, and shall stand before him; then shall I see his face with pleasure, and he will say unto me Come unto me, ye blessed, there is place prepared for you…(Enos 1:27)

That kind of confidence; that kind of true pleasure- I think it is well worth wrestling for!