Wrestling

I've written before about being directionally challenged and my propensity to get lost. It has been one of my greatest challenges because job changes have meant a move every few years for our family. A new place meant trying to find my way to church, schools for the kids, doctors and dentists, libraries, visiting teaching routes, and so on and so on. Now, mind you, having learned early on - long before the kids came along - that I had this penchant, I learned to obtain directions when going to a new destination. The preparation paid off, and getting a GPS device for Christmas one year, well it made this last move a whole lot easier. But in hindsight, I am grateful for the experience of occasionally getting lost because it has become a "personal parable" for me. (See "Of Babies and Birds" or "Personal Parables")

You see, there was always a moment when I would begin to suspect I was no longer headed in the right direction. A niggling wrestling within myself that I'd somehow gotten off course and that if I truly desired to get my appointed destination, I'd have to stop, make changes, and get back on course. I have a particular memory of wrestling with that feeling. It was the second time I had gone to this particular location, so I knew the name of the street I had missed and knew the name of some of the streets that intersected with that street. I was in the process of turning around when I saw a cross street by the same name as a cross street that intersected with the road I was to turn on to. I reasoned that this was the same street and would take me back on course. I reasoned it would be quicker and easier, and managed to convince myself. The truth was that I was near the edge of two townships- both which had streets of that particular name- but this one, rather than connecting into the cross street I desired, actually turned and headed in an entirely new direction. It took a while for me to give in to the growing wrestling that my assumption had been wrong, and then I had to back track even further to get back on course. I found out later, from the very person who had given me the directions, that there was only one road that led from where I got lost back to the crossroad I desired- and I turned off it when I tried to take the "shortcut."

This became a "personal parable" for me as I explored how the Lord describes our lives as a journey in which we have the choice to follow his directions in order to be able to get on and stay on His path, if we desire the eternally "good end" He promises. The word for "righteousness" used in the Old Testament literally means "to walk the path uprightly," whereas the word most frequently translated as "wickedness" literally means "to step off the path." "Repent" means "to turn" and is always coupled with the idea of returning to the path. Even the word "punish" is related. It means "to turn the head," meaning that the Lord allows circumstances sufficient to encourage a person to reconsider the path they are on- to see that what they have put their faith in will fail; end in a dead end- and consider getting on the only eternally profitable path.

All these words, and many others, convey that finding and staying on the correct path takes some diligent work on our part. In life, as in my own "personal parable," desiring to get to a certain location is not enough. Reasoning out my own directions, while disregarding those given by someone who actually knew the area led to a substantial waste of time, gas, and irritated, frustrated energy. How much more is wasted when we disregard the Lord's instruction!

I had this "personal parable" fresh in my mind when I came to the Book of Enos in the Book of Mormon. It caused me to more deeply consider what Enos meant when he said he "would tell you of the wrestle which I had before God." The first thing he notes, is that he recognizes his need to repent, to heed the words his father spoke of Jesus Christ, and turn to the Lord. Interestingly, it doesn't stop there. Once Enos knows he is no longer lost, he "began to be filled with a desire for his brethren." Enos life then became about loving and serving not only those he formely thought of as his brethren, but all of God's children, including those who considered themselves his enemies.

There is a footnote to the word "wrestle" in Enos 1 which refers to the Old Testament section on Jacob. Cross referencing Enos's and Jacob's experiences taught me so much. Both reached a point they desired to know and serve God. Both made mistakes in their lives, but committed to follow the Lords plan. Both are promised their works will bless not only their families, but untold future generations. And both record that it was not easy, but with the Lord's help they were able. The connection between the two is particularly intriguing when I saw the word "Israel" broken down into its two roots which individually mean "he wrestles or prevails" and "strength and power." The second root, "El," is often translated as "God." And so Israel translates to "God overcomes, " "God prevails," or "He who overcomes or prevails through the strength and power of God." The last translation seems to carry with it the heart of the promise of the Gospel of Jesus Christ:

For whatsover is born of God overcometh the world; and the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God. (1 John 5:4-5)

To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne; even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne. He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches. (Revelations 3:21-22)

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. (John 16:23)

So, what does it mean to "overcome." I think Jacob received profound insight to that the night he dreamed of the ladder into heaven. (Genesis 28:12) A ladder would indicate steps that need to me taken incrementally, one by one, constantly upward, to reach your goal. As the prophet Isaiah explains:

Whom shall he teach knowledge? And whom shall he make to understand doctrine? Them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breast. For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little." (Isaiah 28:9-10)

I love that scripture because in so few words it not only captures the idea of a step by step learning process, but begins with the idea that we need to be "weaned from milk." In other words we all, no matter where or when we are born, are spiritual infants in relationship to God. Like infants, we have no way to provide the nourishment and growth we need for ourselves. We flounder and spiritually die if we turn away from all the Lord has prepared for us. And so he pleads:(D&C 78:17-19)

Verily, verily, I say unto you ye are little children, and have not as yet understood how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you; and ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. The kingdom is your and the blessing thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.

As a parent, I have considered what advice I would give my almost-legal-adult, going-off-to-college-in-the-fall daughter, about following directions given by someone who really knows the area. I know I would never advise her to make the choice I did in my "personal parable", and in hindsight I can admit it was not wise to ignore the already tried and proven directions. But at the time, it took running into a literal dead end for me to admit my error and start back to the right road. That dead end also has great import to me. When it comes to the more essential, spiritual wrestlings in my life I have come to recognize that the times of deepest inner turmoil have all come at times with 3 elements in common:

1) I had heard the Lord's words and felt a light, a warm pull of recognition- "this is truth; this is good"- deep within my soul.

2) Sometime after hearing those words, I faced circumstances that tested the depth of my conviction. To continue to live my life according to the pull I'd felt, the light it brought, would mean giving up something that seemed important and immediately gratifying now.

3) I wrestle over whether living up to the light was worth the apparent sacrifice.

This is where daily habits of "feasting upon the word of God" and prayer make a huge difference. (2 Nephi 32:3, Joshua 1:8) The word of God is based on the truths of eternity, and as I've written of before, it has a perspective expanding effect. It has been in moments when I am deeply immersed that I have been able to honestly evaluate whatever it is I'm wrestling with, and I have to acknowledge that the choice that seems more immediately appealing now, and makes it tempting for me to consider disregarding the Lord's direction or call, only caters to a very limited, finite, immediate gratification goal. If I raise my eyes and seek for where pursuing immediately gratifying choice will lead, I discover, over and over again it dead ends at some point.

Regrettably, for me, this realization began with actually reaching a dead end, and doing a painful journey turning back and getting on the right path. I am grateful for the loving guidance he offered, even after I so callously disregarded his careful efforts on my behalf. I am grateful for the infinite atonement that made it possible for me to "turn back" and return to the path of the Lord. But, I rejoice even more in all he offers to expand our vision, help us set eternal goals, and make each niggling wrestling deep within our souls a step forward on the right path. That is the divine purpose in this common, oft repeated, mortal experience. As we move "line upon line," step forward upon step forward, the "wrestling" is still part of our growth, but it is not about us being off track, but about the next thing we need to learn to continue journey forward toward becoming what we have the potential to become.

This brings me to another of the very few scripture references which us the term "wrestle" to describe our opportunities for growth. I found it profitable to consider it, because the person who is described as "wrestling" was, at this point in his life, a faithful follower of the Lord who had given up a high political office, and the worldly power and prestige that went with it, so that he could devote his time to sharing the Lord's directions. Obviously his wrestling was not over whether to "step off the path." Rather, he struggled when he prayed for a particular group of people, who were currently taking great pride in their self appointed, dead end path. Alma, having in his youth, openly rebelled against God, and tasted the very "pains of hell," knew what was on the line and experienced great "anguish of soul" over the decisions his brethren. He prayed for a miracle; he prayed that the Lord, "would pour out his Spirit upon the people…that he might baptize them to repentance." (Alma 23:10) The answer, which was essentially a "no", taught me a great deal about how much value the Lord places on agency. Moreover, as Alma listened and then acted upon what he learned as he continued to serve the Lord, what happened to Alma was really incredible.

In Alma 23, Alma is overwhelmed and in anguish over the pain he feels over his brethren. Several chapters later, Alma is again leading a mission to a city that wants nothing to do with the Lord. This time his prayer is different. He acknowledges that the law of agency, and that it means he will not be treated kindly- no matter how sincerely he loves and wants to help his brethren. He does, as always pray for success, to be led to those who are searching for the words of light and truth he brings. But the central focus of this prayer is to ask the Lord to strengthen him that he will be able to overcome or "bear" "afflictions" that might come because of other's choices. Why? Because he knows "their souls are precious." (Alma 31:30-35) By staying true to the path through this process of learning, of wrestling, of overcoming, Alma, like Enos, had become what we are all to become: filled with charity. He followed the directions of the Lord to:

Let thy bowel also be full of charity toward all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish they thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God. (Doctrine & Covenants 121:45)

That last bit, "then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God" is illustrated in several of the words from the lives and teachings of these three witnesses and examples, but my favorite cross reference to this scripture are Enos' parting words:

And I rejoice in the day when my mortal shall put on immortality, and shall stand before him; then shall I see his face with pleasure, and he will say unto me Come unto me, ye blessed, there is place prepared for you…(Enos 1:27)

That kind of confidence; that kind of true pleasure- I think it is well worth wrestling for!

Are You WHO You Want to Be?

Throughout the ages, and throughout the world, one of the most widely explored metaphors is that life is a journey. In my last blog I talked a bit about how the Lord has used this metaphor to help us understand why we are here and the journey He hopes for us. It is not a journey defined by any conceivable outward circumstance, but a journey of becoming. Remember this quote:
We are challenged to move through a process of conversion toward that status and condition called eternal life…. Charity is something one becomes. (Dallin H. Oaks, “The Challenge to Become,” Ensign, Nov 2000, 32–34)

Among the songs I enjoy is one by the band, Switchfoot, which asks:

This is your life are you who you want to be?

Note, it is not asking if you have what you want to have, or are surrounded with what you consider ideal circumstances, but "are you who you want to be." Its impact lies in connecting with the eternal truth that we are free to choose what we become. Remember that the word commandment literally means direction. And the first commandment the Lord gave Adam and Eve after they had partaken of the fruit, was to worship Him and obey His commands and love one another. (Moses 4:4, 7:32-33) When the Savior was asked which direction from the Lord was the most critical He said:

Thou shalt love the Lord they God with all they heart, and with all they soul, and with all thy mind….And thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and prophets. (Matthew 22:37-40)

So, from the beginning all the prophets the Lord has called, all the directions and counsel he has given, is for the purpose of aiding us in our quest to become beings, like Him, who are filled with charity- the pure love of Christ for God and men.

But what if that is not who you want to be? Well, we are free to make that choice, as Cain's story makes clear. Cain's story also vividly illustrates who we are choosing to become, if we follow the same path he did. Above all, the elements of Cain's story restored in the Book of Moses, show the tireless effort on the part of the Lord to teach us, not only about the path He hopes we will take, but about the consequences we choose when we choose other paths.
First a few facts:

Fact 1: Cain had a rarely paralleled opportunity to grow up surrounded by gospel truth. Cain and Able had older siblings. In fact Cain married one of his elder brother's daughters. Even before Cain's birth some of his siblings had decided they "loved Satan more than God." Eve's words at Cain's birth showed the heartache she felt over this, and a hope that Cain would not step off the path, because he was born after his parents had faithfully, line upon line, come to a full understanding of the plan of salvation.

Fact 2: Just because Cain was born into a home filled with truth and light, it didn't mean he was forced to follow. Just as we will see that Abraham, Moses and countless other born into times and places where the gospel was either not taught or persecuted, had the choice to act upon the light they received. Cain decided that the path and directions the Lord gave were not worth his time and effort. His word's "Who is the Lord that I should know him?" are full of import. (Moses5:16)

The word "know" as used in the Old Testament never means a casual acquaintance. Its use indicates a real, intimate relationship that takes time and effort. Bottom line- we are finite beings. We can, by our very mortal natures, only accomplish so much. We have to prioritize, and Cain felt making the sacrifice of time and resources that following the Lord's direction required was not the best use of his time.

Fact 3: Before the effects of the path he chose fell upon Cain, he had the truth of it explained to him. Not sure he listened, but it was explained. Remember the Lord loves us, he wants the best for us, and in that infinite love and kindness, he does not hide, water down, or sugar coat the eternal consequences of the choices before us. Cain was told that if he chose to "reject the greater counsel of the Lord" in favor of Satan's counsel that would become his legacy- it would be what he would become. Becoming so much less than he could have been if he had followed the Lord's counsel was the curse placed upon him. (Moses 5:25)

Don't get confused by the use of the word "curse" here. In our English Dictionary you will find something like "to call upon divine power to cause injury to someone." So very, very far from what the Lord means. Remember the Lord's commitment to agency is very deep, when we knowingly make it clear we want nothing to do with Him, he respects that. The word used here means a removal of the Lord's love, protection, and the sustaining, enabling power of the atonement. Literally it means that the Lord withdraws the grace (power) by which we can choose to become like him. Cain became who he wanted to be- a being "free" from the Lord. (Moses 5:33)

Mormon, using the example of the Amlicites in The Book of Mormon, explains how the underlying eternal principle illustrated by Cain's life applies to all God's children:

Nevertheless, they had come out in open rebellion against God, therefore it was expedient that the curse should fall upon them. Now I would that ye should see that they brought upon themselves the curse; and even so doth every man that is cursed bring upon himself his own condemnation. (Alma 3:18-19)

It is easy to look as the end of Cain's path and think it doesn't apply to me, or worse try to apply it to others. But within Cain's approach to his mortal journey are elements common to most of us.  These same elements crop up again and again in scriptural teachings and they are consistently linked with rejecting the Lord's direction- and thus cutting ourselves off from the opportunity to become like him. These elements include, but are not limited to:

1. Feeling that I know what I'm about- not being open to the Lord's correcting and teaching me. This is always accompanied by a lack of recognition and gratitude for my life and the power that sustains it. If I do make any attempt to obey his command, even if it I make a few compromises or additions of my own, he owes me!

2. A pretty pronounced lack of love towards one or more of my fellow man.

3. Anger when I do receive correction.

4. Turning away from the Lord because he won't agree with me.

Out of all the examples I have found, the one that most profoundly helped me examine my life- made this lesson real and applicable to me- was the parable of the prodigal sons told by the Savior in Luke 15. It is not the younger brother (though he definitely wandered in some dead end paths) that is the final focus - the exclamation mark on what the Savior is trying to teach. The chapter starts by stating that "publicans and sinners" were drawn to the Savior, and that this was something the Pharisees found objectionable. It didn't fit with their understanding of what a man of God should be. The parables told in this chapter are directed mainly at them, and at our pharisaical tendencies. The first two parables use the example of lost sheep or piece of gold because few question their worth or that it is worthwhile to work for their recovery. The Savior emphasizes the rejoicing the Lord feels each time a son or daughter of God chooses to follow his directions and take the path that leads to Him.

When the parable of the sons is reached something odd happens. The younger son chooses to get lost- and no one seeks to redeem him. As the older son, who claims to love his father, and is the aknowledge inheritor of the birthright, his job was to care for the rest of the family as the father would. In a case, such as this, where the father could not both tend to the inheritance and search after the lost one, it fell to the elder brother to go in his father's stead and redeem that which was lost. And this was not a coin, but the greatest treasure a father could have, a child. The father's reaction when he returns shows how the father grieved this loss. Quite conspicuously, the elder brother does nothing to search after his brother.

When the younger brother comes to himself and humbly returns to his father, ready to be a servant, he is welcomed back as a son. It is a beautiful confirmation of the Lord's love and desire for all of his children to come home, and at one time in my life, the part of the parable that gave me hope. But, again the main emphasis of the parable is on the elder son. He does not rejoice in his brother's return. His brother took half of the father's worldly wealth when he left. His father kills a valuable calf in his honor, and by acknowledging him as a son, verifies he will yet receive part of the inheritance. The elder son is angry and his anger only grows when his father does not do as he instructs, apologize for his mistake, and reject the younger son. The father pleads with him to listen, to learn, to come into his presence and with him rejoice, but the son refuses and chooses to remain outside.

Do you see the common elements: Both Cain and the elder brother were not open to being taught or corrected by their fathers. Both did outwardly obey their fathers, but both did it in hopes of worldly wealth. Their focus on wealth is shown by their animosity towards their brothers- which they see as rivals for the coveted wealth. When the wealth they expected was not forthcoming or threatened, and in its place comes loving correction from their father, they respond with anger and choose to shut themselves out of their fathers presence.
Sobering isn't it. But the elder son's story is encouraging. The Savior left him standing outside the party, but didn't make a final pronouncement. And Cain's story was more fully restored because, according to Mark 15:7,the Lord rejoices more over every child who chooses the path the Savior marked, than he does over the Savior himself. And the Savior himself paid an infinitely enormous price so that no matter where we currently are, not matter if we have got caught up in the elements that so entrapped Cain and the elder brother, we can choose now to follow his path.

Behold, he sendeth an invitation unto all men, for the arms of mercy are extended towards them, and he saith: Repent (turn back to the path I marked), and I will receive you. (Alma 5:33) (Italics added)